Staying With the Discomfort of Change
I have been working with clients this year who are experiencing significant change, and there is always a desire to minimise the discomfort that comes with it. Humans, by nature, move toward safety and security. When the ground shifts, when something we relied upon changes shape or disappears entirely, we look instinctively for solid footing. We reach for reassurance or decide to ignore what’s going on altogether. We seek certainty. This is a deeply human response that change elicits, especially change we did not choose.
The reality is that everything changes. Nothing is truly permanent. At work, in our teams, in our lives, things end and reform and begin again in ways we cannot always predict or prepare for. The organisation we joined is different now from the one it used to be. The team around us shifts. Roles evolve or are eliminated. Leaders come and go. This is the nature of living and working in the world, and most of us understand it well enough when things are settled. The real question is what we do when things fall apart.
What would it mean to stay with the discomfort of change rather than moving away from it? What would it feel like to allow the uncertainty be present for a while, to sit alongside what is difficult, rather than trying to resolve it quickly? These are not easy things to do. The pull toward comfort and familiarity is strong, and there is often an organisational culture around us that rewards appearing to cope, that values momentum over reflection, that moves to the next thing before the last thing has been properly honoured.
We can look to the work of William Bridges who provides one way to think about how to effectively move through change. His Transition Model makes a distinction worth considering. There is a difference between change as an external event and transition as the internal experience that follows. Change, he suggested, happens to us. Transition is what we move through in response to what is changing. Transition is what we feel and how our minds process information and can shift in relation to what’s going on.
Interestingly, transition begins with what is ending. Before we can truly consider something new taking root, we have to do the work to decide what we must let go so we can move forward. In fact, holding on to ‘what is’ is often the root of discomfort associated with change. Is our identity tied into a particular role, salary or title? Will we miss the ways our team used to work or the people who were part of the team? Are we used to the routines and reference points that give our working life its shape and meaning? These things matter, and they deserve real acknowledgement. This is when you can practice staying with the discomfort by considering the impact of the change and deciding for yourself or within a team what you are feeling, honour how things are or used to be and decide what you want to let go.
Leaders have a particular role to play in supporting transition through change. Often in the face of uncertainty themselves, a leader’s role is create space for a team to voice their reaction to the change while leading them through the process of acknowledging what they want to let go and what they want to keep. This requires in leaders a capacity to be present with uncertainty without rushing away from it and using their presence to allow those on the team to stay with the uncertainty as well. This kind of leadership asks us to stay with our own discomfort first, to develop enough inner groundedness that we can be alongside others in theirs. This demonstrates incredible maturity and strength when you are able to stay with all the emotions – fear, anxiety, excitement, resentment, resignation – so you and the team can effectively move through the discomfort together.
Whether this takes an hour, a week or a month, taking the accountability to do or lead the work to process an ending means you can move toward what has changed and is new with a certain freedom from connections to the past. You can see and accept things more clearly as they are rather than how you wish they were, which means you can better move into the future.
Change in life and work is guaranteed, and so is a reaction to what is shifting. Consider how you can stay with the emotion of change yourself and how you can support others through the process to see if you can more effectively and healthily get to the other side of change. If you want someone to walk alongside and support you, your team or organisation, please get in touch. I can help.
